Subconscious shadow
Authentic light comes from committed shadow work.
Every experience of unsafety is stored in the shadow of our subconscious. Our ego wants to suppress and hide what’s difficult to face, but our soul wants to evolve and asks us to look at our oblivious patterns.
Anything that threatens our nervous system’s feeling of safety can be called a trauma, no matter how big or small. We unconsciously attract opportunities to face our traumas. That’s why we are drawn into the same situations over and over again until we reprogram ourselves.
If we are unaware of our triggers, our subconscious will run the show and react in the same way as it always has. The subconscious is formed during our early years and these reactions were meant to protect us in our childhood, when we didn’t know how to properly process our external and internal environment.
But we are more mature now and we are ready to respond to situations in more mindful ways than the common fight / flight / freeze / fawn. We all have work to do here, because we all carry trauma.
To reshape the subconscious we have to become conscious about it. When we become aware of what triggers our traumas, most of the job is already done. Healing will start. Awareness shines light on the shadow. The process takes a lot of self-compassion, as the old ego crumbles.
To hold more light we need to be willing to look deeper into our shadow. Illuminating our darkest caves. There is no other way around, the only path is within.
Closing challenging cycles
Slow progress. Small steps; some forward and a few backwards. Cycling through the same challenges until trauma is resolved. Big and small occurrences, we all have things to grow through.
The past few months I have felt that stepping into more of who I am is the only way onward. This always happens when I slow down, prioritise myself and let life guide me. Triggers, healing, self-realization – whatever you want to call it, it has been quite intense.
As growth happens gradually, we may not always see how far we have come. Therefore I am thankful that life has not only thrown me into a boot camp of personal improvement lately, but it has also served me several opportunities where I have been able to really see how my inner work is positively affecting my external life experience.
Situations that used to make my nervous system go haywire, I can now feel almost completely calm in. New neural pathways in my brain. The main thing to take me there has been finding deep safety within.
Perfectly imperfect
Improving oneself can get one stuck in a loop of fixing, feeling like ”I’m just gonna adjust this one more thing about me, THEN I’m gonna be ready and able and good enough to attract the perfect partner!”
There is no perfect version of me and there is no perfect partner. And at the same time I am whole and have always been whole. Perfectly imperfect.
Choose a partner who accepts you for you and who is willing to go on a journey and grow alongside you.
Frame fit
In the state between sleeping and awakening, this thought came to me:
Everybody is a work of art, but your frame is not a fit for everyone.
Be mindful about who fits your frame: Who doesn’t overstep your boundaries and doesn’t make you overextend yourself. Stay true to yourself and share your most intimate life with people who share your values.
There is no need to try to collect and possess all beauty. There will always be enough for you anyway. Dare to let go and let the beauty that doesn’t fit your frame be free for someone else to admire.